Navigating Disordered Eating
For as long as I can remember, food has been more than just fuel. It’s been a comfort, a coping mechanism, and sometimes, my biggest challenge. My journey with disordered eating—specifically binge eating and bulimia—has been a complex and painful part of my life.
It’s taught me the importance of resilience and self-awareness. It emphasises the power of moving forward, one step at a time.
This isn’t an easy topic to talk about, but I believe it’s an important one. You’re not alone if you’ve ever felt trapped in a cycle of guilt, shame, and overwhelm about food and fitness.
This is my story. I hope it helps you see that while the struggle is real, recovery is possible. Progress can also be achieved.
The struggle with eating disorders
Disordered eating doesn’t have one face or one story, and for me, it’s taken different forms over the years. Sometimes it’s been binge eating—turning to food when emotions felt too overwhelming to process. Other times, it’s been bulimia—a desperate try to regain control over something, even if that “control” was harmful.
The hardest part has always been the emotional side. Food became tied to guilt, shame, and punishment. After a binge, I’d be filled with regret and self-loathing, vowing to “do better” or “start fresh.” But the cycle would repeat, leaving me feeling powerless and stuck.
Fitness brought its own challenges. I’ve always known that movement makes me feel better, but disordered eating often blurred the lines. Exercise sometimes became a punishment for eating “too much” instead of an empowering outlet.
Being neurodivergent adds another layer. My AuDHD brain thrives on routine and structure. Yet, it struggles with impulsivity and emotional regulation. These are two big triggers for disordered eating. It’s a constant balancing act, one I’m still learning to manage.
The Turning Point
My turning point wasn’t a single moment—it was a series of small realisations. I realised that the guilt and shame weren’t serving me. That my relationship with food wasn’t just impacting my physical health, but my mental well-being too.
Fitness, which I’d once used as a punishment, became a gateway to something better. Instead of focusing on weight or appearance, I started focusing on what my body can do. I began lifting heavier weights. I ran longer distances. I felt stronger. These achievements began to replace the need to “undo” or “fix” myself through food and exercise.
But I also learned that progress isn’t linear. There have been setbacks, and there probably always will be. What’s different now is my mindset: I don’t have to be perfect. I just have to keep moving forward.
Moving Forward
When it comes to disordered eating, recovery is a process, not a destination. Here are some of the strategies that have helped me rebuild my relationship with food and fitness:
1. Setting Boundaries with Food
I know my triggers, and I respect them. I don’t keep sweets or chocolate at home because I know they’re a slippery slope for me. Instead, I focus on stocking my kitchen with foods that nourish me and make me feel good.
2. Building Structure & Support
Meal prepping has been a game-changer. By planning ahead and freezing meals, I reduce the chances of impulsive decisions and avoid food waste. Having a plan helps me feel more in control without being rigid.
3. Tracking, But Gently
I use Nutracheck to track calories, but I remind myself that it’s a tool—not a rulebook. If I miss a day or go over my goals, it’s okay. Progress isn’t about perfection; it’s about consistency.
4. Finding Accountability
Accountability has been huge for me. This is clear when checking in with my personal trainer. I also share my goals with trusted friends or even set small “punishments” for missing workouts. Knowing someone has my back keeps me motivated.
5. Shifting My Mindset
The biggest shift has been letting go of guilt. Food isn’t “good” or “bad.” Exercise isn’t a punishment. I’m learning to celebrate what my body can do. I approach every meal, workout, and setback with kindness and patience.
Five Small Steps to Help With Disordered Eating
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by disordered eating, here are five small steps that have helped me—and might help you too:
Pause before eating. When you feel the urge to binge or eat impulsively, pause for 5-10 minutes. Use that time to breathe, check in with your feelings, or distract yourself with a simple task. Sometimes, just creating a little space can help.
Plan regular meals. Skipping meals can trigger binge eating later. Try to stick to regular mealtimes with balanced portions, even if it feels hard. Over time, your body and mind will start to trust that food is always available.
Use positive affirmations: Write down a few affirmations about your body, food, or worthiness. Examples include “I deserve nourishment,” or “One meal does not define me.” Repeat them when you feel guilty or ashamed.
Celebrate small wins: Progress isn’t about perfection—it’s about the little victories. Maybe it’s skipping one binge, trying a new recipe, or even just being kind to yourself for a day. Acknowledge those moments and give yourself credit.
Reach out for support: Whether it’s a friend, a personal trainer, or a therapist, share your struggles. This can lighten the load. Recovery is hard, but you don’t have to do it alone.
If you are struggling
If you’re reading this and facing your own battle with disordered eating, I want you to know this. You are not alone. The journey is hard, but it’s also worth it.
Recovery isn’t about being perfect. It’s about showing up for yourself, even on the tough days. It’s about finding the tools, support, and mindset that help you take one step forward at a time. It’s about believing that you deserve better. It's not because of what you weigh or how you look. It's because you’re human. You are worthy of love, care, and respect.
Disordered eating is hard, but it doesn’t have to define you. For me, fitness isn’t just about losing weight or hitting a goal. It’s about building a life where I can feel strong. I want to feel empowered and at peace with myself.
Every day is a chance to start fresh, to make progress, and to move forward. And if I can do it, so can you. If you want to find out more about my own journey, watch my YouTube videos.
